I’ve spent years trying to figure out the key to personal happiness. What I know now is that searching for happiness robs you of contentment in your daily life. It’s important to understand, in order to find happiness from outside sources, you need to find contentment within yourself and your day to day. I’ve put together a list of 9 life changing ways to achieve contentment, that will open the door to a happier life.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison diminishes who you are and who you are meant to be. In the era of social media, you can compare your looks, wardrobe, home, career, partner, friends and even your family to those you don’t even know just by opening an app. I’ve seen people make major life decisions as a result of feeling behind in life or in an effort to fit in- all a direct result of comparison. It becomes easy to lose who you are, and what you value when you focus too much on other people.
- Take time to figure out what you value in life. I’m completely aware of how formidable this sounds. It will take time, experiences, failures, and self-reflection. Think about what you value and respect in yourself and others. Understand what you won’t compromise on and why; what brings you joy; who and what adds real substance to your life. It took time for me to accept that what I value doesn’t align with what I had envisioned for my life growing up and what I thought other’s expectations were of me. If you asked me after I graduated from college: where do you want to be in 5 years? I can almost promise you, it is nothing like where I am now. My life hasn’t followed the straight path of graduation, job, and settling down. I have a love of travel, independence, and personal growth that has far exceeded my desire to follow the path of least resistance, and align my life’s timeline with those around me. While there is nothing wrong with doing this, I know it’s not what I value at this point in my life. I’ve gained an immense amount of confidence in knowing that I am living a life that is true to what I value, rather than grasping for a life that wouldn’t make me happy in the long run.
- Practice gratitude. Regardless of where you are in life, or your current circumstance, gratitude is a powerful tool to evoke contentedness. Focus on the good in your life. You may be in a place where the good feels insignificant in comparison to the bad, and the positive moments are few and far between. Start small, spend time every morning focusing on what you have, rather than what you don’t. Separate what you are working towards and have yet to accomplish, from what you’re grateful for today. Incorporating this into my daily mindset, has changed my life.
- Embrace minimalism. It is no secret that the U.S has an issue with materialism. Our society is fueled by the idea that having more and spending more, equates to success and happiness. Consumerism will never lead to happiness. Becoming intentional about what you buy and why you’re buying it, will make you a happier person by surrounding yourself with things you love, that have a purpose.
- Be flexible. Rather than becoming consumed with the fact that something hasn’t gone the way you planned, know that there is always a solution. I find it easier to be content when I’m not overly consumed with a specific outcome, or following a straight path. This mindset can be applied to anything as simple as a cancelled flight to not getting the job you wanted. Take a deep breath and keep moving forward, there is always another way to get where you want to go- literally and figuratively!
- Care less about what people think of you. I’ll preface this point by emphasizing that I value etiquette and social grace, and I care if I’m not displaying those traits. However, living your life trying to impress or please people around you, makes it nearly impossible to be content with who you are and what you have. The moment you let others dictate the choices you make or how you see yourself, you are handing over your life to someone else. Never let another person determine your worth or who you are. Make decisions that are right for you, other people’s opinions are rarely based off of the reality of a situation and tend to stem from personal biases or ignorance.
- Be kinder to yourself. If there is something that you want to change about yourself or your circumstance, approach it in a pragmatic way. Rather than attaching your self-worth to the issue, be proud of yourself for identifying it, and take the necessary steps to make the change. Moreover, we have all made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes throughout our lives. Rather than dwelling on things that have already happened, forgive yourself. Allowing your life to be dictated by something you’re unable to change, is a disservice to your current and future self. I’m of the belief that you can allow yourself to have regrets, but use them as a lesson, move forward towards who you want to be with what you’ve learned. Life is too short to be your own worst critic.
- Be intentional about living in the present. I’ve made the mistake of constantly looking towards the future. Through your late teens to mid-twenties, all you think about is the future- future college, job, partner, home, etc. Inevitably, this creates anxiety. You end up living for the future, rather than living in the moment. The focus becomes what you don’t have, rather than what you do. Changing your mindset by living in the moment, enjoying the people around you, and being grateful for each day, will change your life. Being content with what you have doesn’t equate to being complacent. I am constantly planning for the future, gathering knowledge, and figuring out how to get where I want to go in life but I still live in a place of contentedness. Give yourself time to breath, who knows, maybe what you’ve been working so hard for, isn’t really what you want anymore. Ultimately, life is happening in this very moment, live it, enjoy it, and embrace every stage of your life.
- Confidence is key. Your confidence or lack thereof is felt by those around you. This is where positive self-talk comes into play (even if you have to ‘fake it till you make it’). Complement, encourage and reassure yourself- you deserve to love who you are! Confidence will come naturally once you start honoring your truest self, follow the eight points above and you’ll be doing just that!
